We dated for two years before he proposed marriage to me. Honestly, my response to him was, “I can’t marry you. I don’t think you are a marriage material.” This man got offended and said I had insulted him but I knew what I had seen......See Full Story>>.....See Full Story>>
In case you are wondering, it wasn’t about money. I am the last born in a family of successful people. I never lacked anything growing up. My mother and siblings made sure I understood what it meant to be financially independent as a woman. That way I wouldn’t go out there looking for a man to take care of me.
That’s how come I was already doing well for myself when I met Gael. He was working at an internet cafe while I had just completed nursing training school. In the course of our relationship, I received my bulk payment. It was twelve million cedis. This was in 2004. This guy came to my house with his friend to ask for a loan to start a business. They requested ten thousand cedis. I gave it to him.
I didn’t get my money back and neither did the business amount to anything. I saw it as a sign of poor management. That’s why I didn’t want to marry him when he eventually proposed. Besides, he didn’t have any stable job at the time. It’s one thing to not marry a man for his money but it’s another thing entirely to marry a man who has no money of his own. This is what I wanted to avoid but in the end, I went ahead and married him.
In 2007, he came up with another business idea. He said it would require GHC3000 to execute. He said all the convincing words in this world to persuade me to get a loan from him. NHS was paying my salary through Barclays Bank at the time. So I took a loan from the bank for him. That one too, nothing came of the business. The loan became my debt to pay.
I was solely providing for our family while paying off this loan. It got so bad that we couldn’t afford rent. So he took us to his family house. I tried but I couldn’t live there. The house didn’t even have a toilet. I had to move to my mother’s house with our two kids.
To improve my financial prospects, I decided to pursue a degree. I didn’t get a study leave but I started school regardless. This meant no income. It was my mother who provided for me and the kids. As for my husband, the moment he found out I was no longer earning money, he stopped talking to me. He even refused to look after the kids when I had to go to school. It was my sister who stepped in to help.
By the time, NHS was ready to start paying me, the bank had blocked my account for defaulting on the loan payments. It was my mother who paid off the rest of the money before my account was reinstated.
When Gael found out that they started paying me, he started talking to me again. That was when I got to know that he was only with me because of the benefits. Still, I didn’t take it to heart. I am naturally a kind and generous person. Everyone around me benefits from me so why not my husband? That’s what I told myself to forgive his neglect.
We moved on with our marriage as though he did not abandon me when things got hard. I was still the ever-supportive and dutiful wife. He is a secondary school leaver but I got him a government job to do. Could you believe that he did not agree to do it? He said he would rather run his own business. “I have started an internet cafe business with a friend,” he announced. I supported him but money never came home. In the end, he decided that he would go to Dubai and work for greener pastures. That one too I helped him.
Thankfully, when he got there he started sending us money. He then asked me to apply for a Visa to visit my sister in Canada so I go and work there. I pictured what he described and I didn’t like it. Basically, I would have gone to Canada on a visit and then outstayed my visa without legal documents. “That doesn’t seem like an ideal situation. I won’t do it,” I told him.
My husband didn’t take it well. He got angry and stopped talking to me again. He would send money to us through my cousin but not talk to me. His behaviour went on until I got an opportunity to work in the USA. Despite everything he was doing, I didn’t use it against him. I told myself, “No matter how terrible he is, he is the father of my children. He is the man I chose to do life with so let me overlook his shortcomings.”
I called him and asked, “I have gotten a chance to relocate with my family to the USA to work. Are you interested?” He said no. I just said okay and went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up to his text message saying he had given a second thought to the USA plan and he would like to go. At that point, I told him he wouldn’t go anymore. Truly, I probably wouldn’t have let him go but his name was already on the documents. Changing it would have been a long process. I just had to leave it like that.
He left Dubai and moved back to Ghana to process his USA documents but when it was time to buy a plane ticket for himself he could not afford it. He went around asking his family and friends for money but nobody could help him. By then too he had taken a loan from me to help his friend with a business, $5000. He hadn’t repaid it so I couldn’t afford to pay for his flight. It was my sister who bought the flight ticket for him and our children, and I paid her back when I got the money.
Unfortunately, COVID-19 happened just when they were ready to make the trip. The travel was rescheduled about twice but they still couldn’t leave the country. My sister who is a Canadian citizen was in Ghana at the time. So I arranged with her to bring me my kids.
A few months after the kids arrived, my husband also joined us. When he got here, I gave him my car to drive. It was a 2018 model. I ended up getting myself a rickety 2013 car to drive. I just wanted him to be comfortable, you know.
Shortly after his arrival, he took another loan from me to start a business in Ghana. This one was $10,000. Once again I gave it to him. When it was time for us to buy a house we had to make a down payment. According to Gael, I earned more than him so I should pay more. I said no problem.
I later asked that he repay my $10000 dollars loan and he said, “I can’t pay your money and still afford my part of the down payment for the house. I can only do one.” So he contributed to the down payment but didn’t repay the loan. Meaning, technically, I was the only person who made the down payment for our house. Still, I didn’t complain.
Along the line, he enrolled in a truck driving school. Upon his completion, I gifted him $1000 to spoil himself. That’s what I have always done. Whenever I got money I would spoil him. Sometimes I would tell him, “You know when there is money in my account I want to spend it so let me take you shopping.” We would go shopping and he would buy whatever he liked; clothes, shoes, name them. I would pay for all of it.
I was doing all this because he is my husband. I felt if the tables turned, he would spoil me the same way. Well, when this man finally got his green card through me, I got to know that you can’t spoil someone into spoiling you. The first thing he did that should have alarmed me was when he said we should get a divorce.